20 years in

If you know much at all about me, chances are you know that I was not supposed to be here. Neither was my sister. Our parents were told after ten years of trying to have children that it looked like it would be impossible. Little did the doctors know that God had a different plan, and after my parents began the adoption process, I was conceived. Another baby girl was soon to follow. That was twenty years ago today. It's hard to believe. 20 years. 7,305 days. 631,138,519 seconds. When the best minds in this area counted Him out, God gently breathed life, masterfully wove tissue, and precisely arranged organs and bones, creating what would be tiny little me. What a wonderful maker. 

I would like to write today about how I have lived with an ever-present appreciation for this life, but that would not be true. Out of those 631,138,519 seconds, all too many have been spent worrying, arguing, hating, complaining, stressing, chasing empty worldly successes, succumbing to selfish desires and wishing for more material things. This evidence of dissatisfaction and rebellion has come at a cost. Only recently, I have realized that the life I have been living is not exactly what God has called me to live. The Bible specifically tells us that Jesus came so that we may have a different sort of life. 

"The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full." -John 10:10

Abundant life. We use this phrase all the time. But wait. What does abundant even mean? And what in the world does living abundantly look like on a day-to-day basis? I found myself asking these questions a couple months ago & I found myself without answers. It wasn't long before God began opening my eyes. An abundant life is one lived in the very depths of the gospel. A life saturated in truth. A life that reflects the power of the resurrection. A life that revels in the unfathomable nature of God and the mere mystery of His grace. A life that mirrors Christ's own but points past itself to Him at the same time. A life that spends more time focused on God's glory than human inadequacy. A life that never ceases to stand in awe of a Creator that words completely fail to describe. 

Right now, I am so thankful. I am always overwhelmed when I sit and think about the fact that it is only by the mighty hand of God that I am here today. Yet there is something so much larger going on here--a part of the picture I almost always fail to see. The biggest miracle about my life is not that I was born. The craziest news is not that doctors were wrong and my parents were able to have two children. The biggest miracle and the most astounding news is that Someone cared enough about the life I would live to trade His for mine. I have done nothing to deserve this flesh. Much less have I done anything to deserve the freedom God granted me when Jesus Christ hung, writhing in agony and gasping violently on the cross. The cross...where I should be.