the first of many "goodbyes"

There are 194 days until my world is changed forever. Although marriage will quite probably be the biggest change I will ever experience, there are many smaller accompanying changes that will take place between now and next fall.

In 151 days, I will be graduating from college, leaving the best friends I could ever imagine. Leaving a CRU small group of girls that have walked together through the past year (or two, or three). Leaving the crazy kids in my major, which have all become one big family. Leaving role models and mentors who have been crucial in encouraging me and pushing me towards what is good and what is true. This summer, Brandon and I will starting our life together in Wilmington. Yes, I am excited to live there, but I do not want to say goodbye to Raleigh. I will be leaving a city that I love, a place I have come to call home. On top of all of that, I will even be pursuing a real job of some sort (who knows!).

But in 13 days, I will be leaving one of the biggest blessings God has ever given me. A multi-generational small group from my church full of some of the most godly people I know. The group meets weekly to fellowship, mull over scripture, and pray together. From them, I have gained a fuller understanding of the body, and of who God is. I have learned so much, and now I am struggling to find words. Here is a pretty pathetic attempt to highlight a few of the major takeaways from my time with this community:

1. Nobody at any stage of life has it all together. We desperately need Jesus, and we also need each other.

2. Even the most amazing Christians go through seasons of intense temptation and trial.

3. Marriage is hard. Really hard. But God's power is so much greater. He created marriage, and He fights for His children. In this group alone, I have witnessed and heard multiple stories of God redeeming marriages that have appeared to have fallen apart.

4. You really can live a life for God's glory beyond college and summer projects. In fact it has been amazing to see just how much more intimate and sweet a relationship with God can get over decades of life together.

5. Community is one of the most important things for me personally. (And probably you too.) It also takes work. Many weeks, I was exhausted and reluctant to go only to come home blessed by the way my burdens were lifted, and my mind eased. God speaks and moves in His people, no doubt.

My heart is sad. I hate that Brandon and I have to leave. But I know that God only has good plans for us. We are already beginning to experience the community that we will have in Wilmington with the Bridge Church. No doubt, by this summer, I will be smitten by this new group of brothers and sisters and won't be able to imagine life without them. For now, I am sad. But I am thankful. So thankful. In the short year and a half that I have been with the group, I have seen God move in incredible ways. I have seen Him change hearts, restore marriages, and generally draw all of us closer to Himself. I can only thank Him for this blessing and what it will mean to me for the rest of my life.

what love does

Howdie! It has been too long since my last post. I overloaded myself with courses this semester and have really been paying for it. Also, Brandon Smith asked me to marry him a few weeks ago. WHAT. Crazy, I know. So, yes, there is a lot going on. But God is still God and He is still in the business of amazing me with just who He is. That being said, I got the itch to blog about something, so here goes.

I serve in the nursery at my church, The Summit, every Sunday morning, watching after babies that are typically between 8 and 15-ish months old. Within the past year, I have had the joy of having a particular little girl in the nursery. Since her first day, she was older than the typical age range of children for our class. Her parents adopted her from Asia, and it wasn't long before I learned that she had a disorder that caused her to develop more slowly than the other kids. She was also extremely rambunctious, pushing down our make-shift walls, being rough with the other children and never sitting still. However, over the past few months, she has changed so much. Now she is still full of energy, but she enjoys just sitting in my lap, and plays quietly on her own. She almost seems like a different kid.

When I noticed this drastic change in the little girl last week, I marveled at how much adoption changes lives. Being brought into a stable home with parents who more than adequately love and care for her has completely reshaped her world. Then I realized that the reason this really intrigued me was because it was me. My spirit is naturally wild and restless. But adoption has changed me. I am secure. I am cared for. My every need is met. Someone hears me when I cry. I am loved. By the blood of Jesus, God has adopted me into His family. He has called me daughter. I am His, and I can rest.

Standing Firm

Senior year is here, folks. This is it. One more year at N.C. State--that is all that is left. At this stage of the game, I have two options:

1. I can choose to worry about my future, fearing the new places I will go and trying to hold onto the people that I am leaving. Or...
2. I can embrace the unknown, moving full-speed ahead, knowing that God has already gone before me and has good plans for me.

Right now, I am humbled and amazed that the Maker of all things would choose to love me and open my eyes even the slightest bit to His bigness. One of my goals for this school year is to really claim the promises God gives us in scripture--to stand firm on the solid rock that is Jesus Christ.

"The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged." (Dt. 31:8)

"For the Lord is good; his steadfast love endures forever, and his faithfulness to all generations." (Ps. 100:5)


What truths are you standing on today?

Adequate in Him

A wise friend of mine recently told me that in new situations "you have to remember that you are never adequate enough for anything, but God is adequate enough for everything."

I was reminded of her gentle words today, and the way she stressed that you have to believe both of those statements. In a performance-driven world, it has been easy for me get overwhelmed by the tasks demanded of me. But now, looking back over the last 10 weeks, it is clear that God has been there with me, and has enabled me to complete the challenge that was set before me.

Today, it was just what I needed. It's funny how God gives you exactly what you need for each and every day. Nothing more and nothing less. 

                                      Wilmington, NC - July 2013

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
How has He provided physically or spiritually for you today?

Cookie Pie & A High School Graduation

Let's just say this dessert comes with good times on the side. I took it down to Brandon's hometown for his brother Zach's graduation back in June and it was a hit! I had a blast decorating it with M&Ms, and white chocolate drizzle. (The drizzling made me feel like a chef.) 

Here are a few photos from the weekend...

The graduate and his cookie!!

Laughs are the norm when Zach is around. :)

Brandon & PawPaw playing telephone. This game never gets old.

I always have a great time with my 2nd family. I am very thankful for the time I have gotten to spend with them this summer, and I can't wait until the next time I get to go back!

Blog Dream

One day I want to get into the habit of blogging daily. I want to be thinking throughout the day, challenging myself to look for God in the world around me. To live curiously. To notice the beautiful details in life.

Just a thought...

Ash

"The point is not what the type of sinner you are. The point is what kind of Savior He is." (J.D. Greear)

For 18 years of my life, I didn't know this. I continually measured my behavior against that of those around me. I totally missed the proposition that I needed a Savior because I was insufficient myself. It is His adequacy that makes up for my inadequacies.

Today, because of this truth, my life is completely different. The burden to perform is gone. The demand to "succeed" has been extinguished. In order for the Lord to be magnified, I must be made low. There are many times that my flesh is not okay with being humbled. But I have resolved to fight to deny myself.

If there is anything I have learned this summer, it is that I need Jesus more than ever when I enter the business world. If I don't put on His armor in the morning, I am going to step into my own trap. My heart is unstable, unpredictable. When I don't satisfy my longings with the gospel, my heart reaches for any glimmer of hope for approval or self-gratification. I find myself there so many days.

Although it is easy to get discouraged, I am holding onto God's promise to finish the work He has started in me. He is faithful & good & true.

I will sing to the Lord,
because He has dealt bountifully with me. (Psalm 13:6)