Losing

Do you ever feel like you can't win?

Over the past couple weeks, because of my very human inclination to compare myself to those around me, everything has seemed like a competition. And I keep coming up short. My grades are mediocre. I was turned down by both of the summer jobs that I had really hoped to get. And I haven't been able to find employment at all after completing around 10 applications. My time has seemed empty while many of my friends are boosting their resumes or serving the Lord in exciting ways. My sister is in Florida on a Summer Project, intentionally building relationships and sharing the gospel. (I would LOVE to go back to Santa Cruz right now.) I have been at home for a week and only seen one person other than my parents. That person has been my friend since pre-school and she told me today that she is moving to Texas this summer. Yet another reminder that change is inevitable and completely out of my control. Sometimes, life is just not as easy as it seems it should be. Each day I tell myself I am not going to compare myself to others. I am going to celebrate with them, not envy them. But most days, it goes sour. I do exactly what I tell myself I won't do. And it's terrible. On my own, I just can't win.

The reality is I am going to come up short constantly as long as I live on this earth. Why is this so hard for me? Do I not believe that God loves me and has good plans for me? Do I not believe that He has made me wonderfully? Why do I want to be somebody other than who He designed me to be?

Yea, world. Hurl your insults. Rejection? I'll take it. Feelings of inadequacy and insecurity? I'll be upset for a while. But I'll get up.

Maybe I am coming up short now so that I learn to place my hope in a God who never fails. In a Lover who never disappoints. In a Maker who does not make mistakes. In a Lord that loves me even though I doubt Him. In a Bridegroom that has a place prepared for me where I will stay with Him forever. In victory. 


For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. (2 Corinthians 4:17)